julie, girl, for someone with a gun, you get saved by your undead boyfriend an awful lot (i say as i push my hair behind my ear, “accidentally” drop my weapon, and bat my eyelashes at my zombie lover).

this is peak bisexual girl cinema, like c’mon, we love doing crafts inspired by ma(r)y (shelley)!

“call me jupe.” uh yeah, that was the final straw. the entire writers’ room needs fired. privileges REVOKED.

“there she weaves by night and day, a magic web with colours gay… and moving thro' a mirror clear that hangs before her all the year, shadows of the world appear.” — the lady of shallot, 1842

i fear tennyson may have possessed plante in order to direct this masterpiece… i’m gonna need some time to unpack the literary analysis that i have building up in me rn. brb.

deliriously grand visuals, just wish i had, like, a few more seconds to appreciate anything before we moved on to another song & dance.

i knew that mary was going to absolutely kill it the second she rolled up to barbie’s vaginal surgery wearing heels. 

as always, women in STEM doing the nastiest jobs while still looking cunty representation is appreciated in this household.

you know a musical rocks when you still the words to every single song, even after the five years between watches (it helps that there’s an incredibly talented cast at its helm… like i still hear whoopi goldberg’s squeaking in my dreams).

if it toned down the proposed incest and added incredibly annoying talking animals, this could easily be mistaken for a very elevated early 2000s animated barbie movie.

genuinely devastated that this movie opted for mainly pov shots instead of showcasing elijah wood's piercing blue eyes and incredible talent for playing unhinged characters. an intense performance was sacrificed for unflattering film composition, imo. 

still, he kinda nailed the parts where we did see him. very much serial killer w/ mommy issues.

i would turn to monster fucking at the slightest inconvenience, it wouldn’t take much. but if my boyfriend left me after five years together just because i got cancer, i’d absolutely become a villain, full stop. laura, i would you being so much worse.

some visionary out there pitched “cinderella meets evil dead” and then proceeded to allocate the bulk of the budget to party city costumes soaked in fake blood, accompanied by a single children’s book as the sole source of research.

promising idea to cinematic disaster pipeline is real and it is sturdy.