“call me jupe.” uh yeah, that was the final straw. the entire writers’ room needs fired. privileges REVOKED.

some visionary out there pitched “cinderella meets evil dead” and then proceeded to allocate the bulk of the budget to party city costumes soaked in fake blood, accompanied by a single children’s book as the sole source of research.

promising idea to cinematic disaster pipeline is real and it is sturdy.

you’d think a slasher where a chainsmoking final girl anakin skywalkers her serial killer ex-boyfriend would be so much more entertaining… alas! not a single golden chainsaw in this whole movie.

he’s a loser in the beginning AND is still a loser at the end and you chose to RE-MARRY him?? GIRL! he still doesn’t have a car and is in massive amounts of debt???? but hey, at least your random museum in florida has all of spain’s lost treasure!

you know the protagonists SUCK when i start rooting for the cockblocking murderers.

credit where credit is due: heart eyes is incredibly committed to the shtick, and i genuinely appreciate and ire that dedication. however, i’m not as enamored with the protagonists. i could not sit through another ten minutes of their banter… please, movie, let’s see more of those creative (themed) kills instead of having exposition simply tell us they happened. show me the crimes, babe! rip out more hearts, idk!

babydoll is so nier: automata-lollipop chainsaw-american mcgee's alice coded (i love her sm).

exchanging silent flirtation amid the crack of gunfire is stupidly romantic btw… obsessed w/ them.

julie, girl, for someone with a gun, you get saved by your undead boyfriend an awful lot (i say as i push my hair behind my ear, “accidentally” drop my weapon, and bat my eyelashes at my zombie lover).

“why are you doing this to us?”
“because you were home.”

chills, chills, chills, chills, chills, like ew, shut up, i’m so fucking scared right now

movie is so right, god is a woman and she created the clicker knock-offs to keep us drug-induced homo sapiens in line. hell yeah!

on another note, those special fx were grotesquely beautiful… but the story lacked substance to a severe degree.

FINALLY, a horror movie for all the STEM girls who pour a little too much of themselves into their research! <3