you know how old men always watch late night spaghetti westerns, and therefore, coerce their grandchildren into enduring the same fate? yeah, okay, this is that for me. like, “here’s some popcorn kiddos, mamaw’s going to force ya’ll to watch men continuously suffer at the hands of felonious wlw.”

what were the jeans in this movie made of? divine intervention? were they stitched by angels?

you know a musical rocks when you still the words to every single song, even after the five years between watches (it helps that there’s an incredibly talented cast at its helm… like i still hear whoopi goldberg’s squeaking in my dreams).

listen, rick o’connell forever has me squealing and kicking my feet… but i’d sacrifice my life for evelyn carnahan (please don’t read from that cursed egyptian book, queen, you’re so sexy aha).

“are you sure you’re not just stuck on thorn, freddy?”

the way fred short-circuited watching the hex girls perform is exactly the same experience i had at 8 years old. never outgrew that crush (thorn, please just give me a chance, please, thorn), but i did evolve. welcome deviously charming author voiced by tim curry and the sassy witch-ghost he summoned in his attempt to rule the world. thy hath unlocked new smash cake characters.