you’d think a slasher where a chainsmoking final girl anakin skywalkers her serial killer ex-boyfriend would be so much more entertaining… alas! not a single golden chainsaw in this whole movie.

do not cite the deep magic (self-important ‘grittiness’ of art) to me, witch (you pretentious asshole). i was there when it was written (on tumblr when i was thirteen).

you know the protagonists SUCK when i start rooting for the cockblocking murderers.

mmmm i love a little mermaid retelling where men die in grotesque ways. very poetic, very chaotic.

ya’ll can’t keep getting away with labeling a movie “monster fucking cinema” when he’s a human for 90% of it. why can’t he look like the dragon people from baldur’s gate 3 when he’s chillin’? this guy was just another sarah j. maas (derogatory) character. i’m hurt, guys, i really am.

(although, if i had abs like that, i’d also never wear a shirt and do a dragon hulk-out just to flex them so… i’m considering.)

“call me jupe.” uh yeah, that was the final straw. the entire writers’ room needs fired. privileges REVOKED.

i hope they show this film in acting school or whatever (you’re not allowed to graduate with a degree in tension until you can blink like jake gyllenhaal).

julie, girl, for someone with a gun, you get saved by your undead boyfriend an awful lot (i say as i push my hair behind my ear, “accidentally” drop my weapon, and bat my eyelashes at my zombie lover).

i knew that mary was going to absolutely kill it the second she rolled up to barbie’s vaginal surgery wearing heels. 

as always, women in STEM doing the nastiest jobs while still looking cunty representation is appreciated in this household.

genuinely devastated that this movie opted for mainly pov shots instead of showcasing elijah wood's piercing blue eyes and incredible talent for playing unhinged characters. an intense performance was sacrificed for unflattering film composition, imo. 

still, he kinda nailed the parts where we did see him. very much serial killer w/ mommy issues.

babydoll is so nier: automata-lollipop chainsaw-american mcgee's alice coded (i love her sm).