the “i’ll find you in any lifetime” trope, but make it a lynchian masterpiece starring two of the most unsettling actors of our time. fucking delicious!

oh yeah… this one made my tummy fucking hurt.

if i had a dollar for every time ang lee made me cry utilizing the gut-punching power of yearning, i’d have two dollars. it’s not a lot, but like, what the fuck is your problem, man?

had to discover new ways to self-soothe after watching brendan fraser fight terribly cgi-ed dwayne johnson.

deliriously grand visuals, just wish i had, like, a few more seconds to appreciate anything before we moved on to another song & dance.

“call me jupe.” uh yeah, that was the final straw. the entire writers’ room needs fired. privileges REVOKED.

exchanging silent flirtation amid the crack of gunfire is stupidly romantic btw… obsessed w/ them.

“your touch is worth a hundred thousand deaths” is seared into my fucking temporal lobe, omg???

listen, rick o’connell forever has me squealing and kicking my feet… but i’d sacrifice my life for evelyn carnahan (please don’t read from that cursed egyptian book, queen, you’re so sexy aha).

great, now i’m going to have to ask my boyfriend if he’d still love me if i were a hawk and he were a wolf and we had to rely on a dopey loser with a brooklyn accent who somehow escaped a medieval prison to return us to our human forms in order to seek revenge on the extremely corrupt priest that did this to us. thanks a lot, richard donner.

i truly believe cher is a witch because every time she opens her mouth, i become deeply mesmerized. forget stanley tucci, they should’ve cast me to tell her how brilliant she is.

gotta be honest, the only thing i’m going to be thinking about as i fall asleep tonight is the way matthew mcconaughey says “bullshit…” as he’s pushing kate hudson against that taxi.