had to discover new ways to self-soothe after watching brendan fraser fight terribly cgi-ed dwayne johnson.

you know how old men always watch late night spaghetti westerns, and therefore, coerce their grandchildren into enduring the same fate? yeah, okay, this is that for me. like, “here’s some popcorn kiddos, mamaw’s going to force ya’ll to watch men continuously suffer at the hands of felonious wlw.”

“your touch is worth a hundred thousand deaths” is seared into my fucking temporal lobe, omg???

listen, rick o’connell forever has me squealing and kicking my feet… but i’d sacrifice my life for evelyn carnahan (please don’t read from that cursed egyptian book, queen, you’re so sexy aha).

great, now i’m going to have to ask my boyfriend if he’d still love me if i were a hawk and he were a wolf and we had to rely on a dopey loser with a brooklyn accent who somehow escaped a medieval prison to return us to our human forms in order to seek revenge on the extremely corrupt priest that did this to us. thanks a lot, richard donner.

he’s a loser in the beginning AND is still a loser at the end and you chose to RE-MARRY him?? GIRL! he still doesn’t have a car and is in massive amounts of debt???? but hey, at least your random museum in florida has all of spain’s lost treasure!

man, i really do adore fred’s tight ascot-less polo fit <3 this era was genuinely so iconic!!