what were the jeans in this movie made of? divine intervention? were they stitched by angels?

he’s a loser in the beginning AND is still a loser at the end and you chose to RE-MARRY him?? GIRL! he still doesn’t have a car and is in massive amounts of debt???? but hey, at least your random museum in florida has all of spain’s lost treasure!

great, now i’m going to have to ask my boyfriend if he’d still love me if i were a hawk and he were a wolf and we had to rely on a dopey loser with a brooklyn accent who somehow escaped a medieval prison to return us to our human forms in order to seek revenge on the extremely corrupt priest that did this to us. thanks a lot, richard donner.

man, i really do adore fred’s tight ascot-less polo fit <3 this era was genuinely so iconic!!

need the henson family to drop the lore for why england has such intense discriminatory practices against muppets. there’s a history there, i know it.

the muppets, ranked ✧･ﾟ

if it toned down the proposed incest and added incredibly annoying talking animals, this could easily be mistaken for a very elevated early 2000s animated barbie movie.

credit where credit is due: heart eyes is incredibly committed to the shtick, and i genuinely appreciate and ire that dedication. however, i’m not as enamored with the protagonists. i could not sit through another ten minutes of their banter… please, movie, let’s see more of those creative (themed) kills instead of having exposition simply tell us they happened. show me the crimes, babe! rip out more hearts, idk!

julie, girl, for someone with a gun, you get saved by your undead boyfriend an awful lot (i say as i push my hair behind my ear, “accidentally” drop my weapon, and bat my eyelashes at my zombie lover).

“are you sure you’re not just stuck on thorn, freddy?”

the way fred short-circuited watching the hex girls perform is exactly the same experience i had at 8 years old. never outgrew that crush (thorn, please just give me a chance, please, thorn), but i did evolve. welcome deviously charming author voiced by tim curry and the sassy witch-ghost he summoned in his attempt to rule the world. thy hath unlocked new smash cake characters.

i would turn to monster fucking at the slightest inconvenience, it wouldn’t take much. but if my boyfriend left me after five years together just because i got cancer, i’d absolutely become a villain, full stop. laura, i would you being so much worse.

this is peak bisexual girl cinema, like c’mon, we love doing crafts inspired by ma(r)y (shelley)!

gotta be honest, the only thing i’m going to be thinking about as i fall asleep tonight is the way matthew mcconaughey says “bullshit…” as he’s pushing kate hudson against that taxi.