a guy named “slater king” is literally destined to have a lotus flower island where he abuses women, like it might as well be rich people prophecy 101.

oh yeah… this one made my tummy fucking hurt.

“why are you doing this to us?”
“because you were home.”

chills, chills, chills, chills, chills, like ew, shut up, i’m so fucking scared right now

“are you sure you’re not just stuck on thorn, freddy?”

the way fred short-circuited watching the hex girls perform is exactly the same experience i had at 8 years old. never outgrew that crush (thorn, please just give me a chance, please, thorn), but i did evolve. welcome deviously charming author voiced by tim curry and the sassy witch-ghost he summoned in his attempt to rule the world. thy hath unlocked new smash cake characters.