i hope they show this film in acting school or whatever (you’re not allowed to graduate with a degree in tension until you can blink like jake gyllenhaal).

you know how old men always watch late night spaghetti westerns, and therefore, coerce their grandchildren into enduring the same fate? yeah, okay, this is that for me. like, “here’s some popcorn kiddos, mamaw’s going to force ya’ll to watch men continuously suffer at the hands of felonious wlw.”

oh yeah… this one made my tummy fucking hurt.

“there she weaves by night and day, a magic web with colours gay… and moving thro' a mirror clear that hangs before her all the year, shadows of the world appear.” — the lady of shallot, 1842

i fear tennyson may have possessed plante in order to direct this masterpiece… i’m gonna need some time to unpack the literary analysis that i have building up in me rn. brb.

do not cite the deep magic (self-important ‘grittiness’ of art) to me, witch (you pretentious asshole). i was there when it was written (on tumblr when i was thirteen).

a guy named “slater king” is literally destined to have a lotus flower island where he abuses women, like it might as well be rich people prophecy 101.

ladies, is it gay to fantasize about fatally stabbing your husband (who happens to look an awful lot like nathan fielder) alongside the woman of your nightmares, whom you can draw from memory… she holds your hands like in the pottery scene from ghost as you do it, and then she rips out his heart…? asking for a friend.

i knew that mary was going to absolutely kill it the second she rolled up to barbie’s vaginal surgery wearing heels. 

as always, women in STEM doing the nastiest jobs while still looking cunty representation is appreciated in this household.

mmmm i love a little mermaid retelling where men die in grotesque ways. very poetic, very chaotic.

genuinely devastated that this movie opted for mainly pov shots instead of showcasing elijah wood's piercing blue eyes and incredible talent for playing unhinged characters. an intense performance was sacrificed for unflattering film composition, imo. 

still, he kinda nailed the parts where we did see him. very much serial killer w/ mommy issues.

“why are you doing this to us?”
“because you were home.”

chills, chills, chills, chills, chills, like ew, shut up, i’m so fucking scared right now