babydoll is so nier: automata-lollipop chainsaw-american mcgee's alice coded (i love her sm).

i hope they show this film in acting school or whatever (you’re not allowed to graduate with a degree in tension until you can blink like jake gyllenhaal).

if i had a dollar for every time ang lee made me cry utilizing the gut-punching power of yearning, i’d have two dollars. it’s not a lot, but like, what the fuck is your problem, man?

listen, rick o’connell forever has me squealing and kicking my feet… but i’d sacrifice my life for evelyn carnahan (please don’t read from that cursed egyptian book, queen, you’re so sexy aha).

oh yeah… this one made my tummy fucking hurt.

you know how old men always watch late night spaghetti westerns, and therefore, coerce their grandchildren into enduring the same fate? yeah, okay, this is that for me. like, “here’s some popcorn kiddos, mamaw’s going to force ya’ll to watch men continuously suffer at the hands of felonious wlw.”

credit where credit is due: heart eyes is incredibly committed to the shtick, and i genuinely appreciate and ire that dedication. however, i’m not as enamored with the protagonists. i could not sit through another ten minutes of their banter… please, movie, let’s see more of those creative (themed) kills instead of having exposition simply tell us they happened. show me the crimes, babe! rip out more hearts, idk!

‘the mistress of all evil’ is a title every woman should aspire to have

what were the jeans in this movie made of? divine intervention? were they stitched by angels?

i truly believe cher is a witch because every time she opens her mouth, i become deeply mesmerized. forget stanley tucci, they should’ve cast me to tell her how brilliant she is.

you know the protagonists SUCK when i start rooting for the cockblocking murderers.

“are you sure you’re not just stuck on thorn, freddy?”

the way fred short-circuited watching the hex girls perform is exactly the same experience i had at 8 years old. never outgrew that crush (thorn, please just give me a chance, please, thorn), but i did evolve. welcome deviously charming author voiced by tim curry and the sassy witch-ghost he summoned in his attempt to rule the world. thy hath unlocked new smash cake characters.