this is the most 90s film to ever exist in 2024… This is the sort of movie that they would discuss on an episode of Seinfeld and maybe make an entire misunderstanding kerfuffle around…it really has a Milan to Minsk energy if you know what I mean!!!  this is by no way a knock on it—in fact, this is its central charm. no matter what age or gender you are when you see this, you are a dad in a crewneck sweater who did not see the twist coming but who is very down to discuss it afterwards over a plate of lo mein to extend date night a few more hours…it just has everything a nineties dad could want: popes, intrigue, machinations, John Lithgow being sneaky. I loved Tucci in this but he read less to me as an operator who wants to be the papa and more as a tender traveler who wants to teach me where to find the best gnocchi (aka classic Tooch ™️). Ralph Fiennes is very good in this as a dude who doth protest a wee too much; it’s very guy who says “don’t make me sing!” at the party when he really hopes to be asked if he knows any Cole Porter. Isabella Rossellini needed more lines but she did the best with what she was given (I did enjoy her ability to transmit sass in a habit). I liked most of all how this film seems to suggest that the conclave is kind of like a cardinal summer camp where yes, there is drama, but there’s also a lot of vaping and eating tortellini with your besties in Christ… I will say this film has a distinct lack of humor in it, which I totally understand but… You have to assume there was a class clown of the conclave, right? The clowncave? That film was happening somewhere in the distance and I would’ve liked to see it.