Don’t board Uruguay Air Force Flight 571 to fly over the Andes with the 1972 Old Chapel Rugby Team, worst mistake of my life!

Channeling my inner Neil deGrasse Tyson by becoming a total buzzkill in order to spare my Letterboxd rating curve from another 5 star short film.

The dialogue? Exquisite. The cinematography? Sublime. The themes? Profound. All in all, an incredible film… Unfortunately, I have to deduct a star for being French.

“Good news, bad news. Good news, I’ve opened my third eye. Bad news, it has pink eye.” - Cult Leader Do moments before the barbiturate pudding kicks in.

JAMES MONROE

PRESIDENT #2/47

“This film is dedicated to the Brave Mujahideen Fighters of Afghanistan.” - Rambo III (1988)

THOMAS JEFFERSON

PRESIDENT #4/47

VAMPIRE HUNTER

PRESIDENT #3/47

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

PRESIDENT #3/47

Forget Anora (2024), now THIS is a set that could have used an intimacy coordinator.

MILLARD FILLMORE

PRESIDENT #1/47

Now, while Paul Dano has once again relegated himself to being Hollywood’s favorite piñata for the next director to beat with a heavy wooden stick, I truly believe few shots will continue to haunt me as much as his forlorn gaze in his empty apartment, reminiscing on the love and life that he’s long since lost. It’s a true case of irony that in the end, he’s left only with Sammy by his side - two emotionally stunted men held together by a sincere unspoken love. Nobody does it like Spielberg.